The cracks that prayer creates

     I tend to try doing things with the feeling that I can accomplish it on my own, without any help.  That develops a sense of self-sufficiency.  And success has a way of propagating these feelings.
     Most times I reach a point where I realize it's time to ask for help.  Prayer can be the answer to just such a need, whether its wanting to share about our joys or sorrows, soliciting help, or expressing thankfulness.  All of this is done by reaching out to our God, thus creating cracks in our shell of self-sufficiency.
     When I reach out to God, the answer may be immediate or it may take awhile, but one thing surely is different -- it is no longer "I," or "me," alone.  It's "we (God and me)," that will handle it together.
     Recently I was doing a talk for a retreat team meeting and in preparation I thought I knew the way the talk should go ("No thanks, God, no help needed here.").  God gave me a message through the Gospel reading for that Sunday that worked well into the talk.  I had prayed about the talk, but wasn't really open to God's way.  Yet God kept urging, and the talk was strengthened by the Word of God.
     There have also been times when I'm angry with God -- and the shell closes up.  How can I expect any healing in this (or any) relationship if I shut down the communications.  Our God, Who is Love, can show us the way if only there are cracks for Love to flow.
     As my relationship with God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) develops I have a greater want for more openness and that means more and more, as well as bigger and bigger cracks.  Yet still I have parts of my life where the self-sufficiency shell persists -- a continual work in progress.
     Jesus never said once you follow Me all things will work out.  There are many things, events and people in our lives that strengthen our shell, but as we experience what God's Love can do, we want to come to Him more and more.  And that's what God wants too, for each of us to deepen our relationship.
     Each of us is at a different point in our relationship with God and is progressing at our own pace.  What we learn from others gives us ideas to try, but they must fit naturally into our lives or they won't last long.  That, too, we will learn more about in our discussions with God.

So go ahead, crack a few shells.